My day job as a classroom teacher is highly demanding. It demands energy, creativity, organization, communication, problem solving, flexibility, and quite honestly pieces of my soul. I spend six hours a day being needed by other humans, told what to do by people who never set foot in my classroom, some never in my school, and hope that something I have said or done has inspired or encouraged a young mind. The demands are many and the rewards rarely seen. To be honest, it leaves me tired.
Coming home, then, at the end of the day to the demands of my own five kiddos, dinner planning, homework checking, lunch making, bedtime wrangling, leaves little space to sit in stillness with my own thoughts. I want time to slow down and more quiet moments in the day. I don’t want to be a teacher, I want something different. Something that allows free creativity, time for writing, time for music, time for obvious work for God.
I have heard people say that my job is a ministry. People say raising a family is a ministry. But while those things may feed others, they don’t feed me. In the last few months, I have made more effort to find time to be quiet with the Lord, journal my thoughts, and make more room for worship ministry at church. But I want to do more. More for my church community, more to help others grow their journeys, and grow with them.
In a moment where I was pondering all this, while drinking tea and staring at the cold, unlit fireplace, I just kept thinking about all the ways I could jump into places in ministry. I want to lead a bible study with young women. I want to help teach youth how to connect to worship music so that their worship can be seen on their faces, and help guide young worship leaders with the experience I bring from years doing the same. I want to help others grow by sharing my journey. Thinking about my day job, and my master’s degree, I imagined saying to our lead pastor, “I’m a teacher, so let me teach!”
BOOM! Just like that! The word teacher stuck out in front of my eyes like neon on a reader board. But I don’t WANT to be a teacher. It’s exhausting, I’ve been telling God. I want to walk away from that, do something different. It seems, though, that my identity is exactly that. Maybe it can look different in different settings. But even Jesus was a teacher. I want to be used for what I am. And it may be time to stop denying this part of who God created me to be.
These words come to mind as I think about my mission:
Teach, Lead, Guide, Nurture, Encourage, Create.
All things I have done my entire life.
Again I wonder how often we miss what God is trying to show us because we have our minds set on something else, or simply against that which we seem called to do? I don’t necessarily think I was walking in the wrong direction, I just wasn’t accepting the call as it really is. I didn’t realize that all the things I want to do and be a part of are intertwined with the word TEACHER. Yet, they are. I do have a masters degree in TEACHING, so I may as well use it for all good works. Makes sense.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God created in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).
Some people are AMAZING leaders. Some are AWESOME analyzers. Some people have the GIFT of networking. The list goes on. None of these are my strengths. I LOVE to encourage others. I ENJOY teaching the things I know or have learned. I NEED to be creative. I may not be a very good leader, but I might be a very good teacher. I can speak words of wisdom and encouragement, but maybe wouldn’t be the one to start the entire company, and that’s okay.
We all have our strengths in the journey and there are many reasons we may deny those in our calling as the world seems to reward those with particular attributes more than others. But we are not called to look at things the same way the world does, difficult as this may be since we live in it, surrounded by its noise all day long. We are called to take a deep-dive inward and look at what God has equipped each of us with, and listen for His leading.
That is easier said than done. I am finding, though, that the more time I spend in quiet with God, sometimes reading the word, sometimes just sitting still with my first cup of coffee, waking up, and saying “Good morning Lord, what do you say today?” the more familiar I become with the quiet ways he speaks to my heart. There are days when He makes more noise than others. Those are the days when a morning thought or prompting will not let me go all day. Usually it is something I don’t want to do, but have an overwhelming feeling that I should. A prompting to make a move completely out of my wheel-house. Text who? Lead what? Invite who over for dinner? Now, that’s just crazy talk. But I can’t shake it until I follow through. Talk about God knocking on your door. The more in the word we are, the more intimate with God, the more we understand just how bossy He is. In a good way. Persistent might be a better word.
This is how He shares His vision with us. We cannot see very far ahead in the journey, but He can, and will guide us step by step, speaking in the quiet moments, as the world clamors for our attention at any other time. Some mornings I have time to read a chapter or two of the Bible, finding very little to inspire me. Other times, I only have time for a verse of the day, but it might be that one verse that encourages me all day long. The Lord will speak when we listen, and most especially when He has something to say.
The key is to keep the channel of communication open. “Speak to me Lord, for your child is here listening, waiting on you.” What an amazing attitude of expectation we can have when we look at it like this.
It was in a quiet moment of contemplation that God showed me who He made me to be. Both my God-given aptitude and my life’s learning have instilled in me a talent for teaching and encouraging others, whether I want to embrace it or not. What gifts has He inherently given to you? God knows us better than we do. He has a purpose for the way that He made us. He will use our life experiences and our response to them to carve out a path unlike anyone else’s. Is there something you aren’t seeing that He wants to show you? Most likely. Take time to listen with expectation to the one who knows you better than anyone else. You may be amazed.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalms 139: 13-14).
Comments
Post a Comment